On Faith
by emi-d-123
Summary: Merlin discusses his faith with very few people in his life, but all of them help them to expand his beliefs. Unabashedly Christian.


**I hate long author's notes, but bear with me, please.**

**1) I need to apologize to everyone waiting for the new chapter of "You Give Me Strength." I am suffering from some serious writer's block , and this piece was written to help me get over it. Rest assured, I will not abandon that story.**

**2) This piece deals with religion, which I know is often a touchy subject. It is unabashedly Christian. Please, please show some respect and restraint when you comment. I was looking only at Christianity vs. the Old Religion, as England/Albion was almost purely Christian in that time period. I don't mean to insult any non-Christian readers. In fact, comment if I've done something insulting to your faith, I'll be sure to fix it.**

**3) For "Strength" readers, there's a poll on my page about Callam's fate, as I need your help deciding. It DOES potentially contain spoilers! Please do me a favor and vote there, if you have a minute.**

**4) Probably a bad place to ask this, but - I want to start watching Supernatural. My friend got me hooked with the first two episodes, but now I can't find anything earlier than the fifth season online. Does anyone know a site?**

**Ok, not as long as I thought.**

* * *

Gilli was the first to ask.

"You – you don't believe in the Old Religion, do you?"

Merlin jumped. He was following the young sorcerer to a druid camp, where a supposedly magical beast was terrorizing the people. Gilli, having joined the camp after his brief stint as a warrior, had immediately rushed off to find the only help he knew. Flattered as he was, Merlin was still rather irritated. And now, he was confused.

"What do you mean?"

Gilli shrugged sullenly. "I mean, you don't believe in the Triple Goddess or the Cailleach or any of that. Don't you?"

"Er, I suppose I do," Merlin answered. To be honest, he'd hardly ever thought about it before. Gods and goddesses and guardians were always distant, far-off unknowns to be called upon in time of need. "I mean, the Triple Goddess is the source of all magic, right?"

Gilli mumbled something noncommittal – he was still barely learning the ways of the Old Religion, as well.

"And I was _born _with magic, so . . ." Merlin continued. "So I suppose at least she has to be real."

Gilli stumbled up a steep hill and the conversation paused as they both flailed about to stay upright.

When they were safely back on level ground, Gilli began again. "But you go to church, I've seen you. That church fully denounces magic, it _supported _the Great Purge. Anyone who follows the teachings of their God hates people like us."

It was Merlin's turn to shrug. "I dunno, I've never really thought about it. I mean, my mum raised me to believe in God and all that, so I guess I sort of believe in both. It's not like it makes much difference, anyway."

Gilli looked disbelieving, but dropped the subject.

"So, about this creature . . ."

* * *

It would be two years and many adventures before anyone questioned Merlin's faith again. This time, it was Lancelot.

"Merlin," he began after training, helping the servant to put away armor and weapons, "Do you believe in God?"

Merlin stopped and put down the sword he was cleaning. Gilli's questions, so long ago now, had given him reason to stop and think. He hadn't ever really done it, though, as being manservant to His-Royal-Pratness Prince Arthur had hardly left him time to be alone with his thoughts. All the same, this was one question he could answer more definitively than he had the last time.

"Yes, I do."

"But," Lancelot glanced around to make sure they were alone, "You've got magic. Isn't that central to the Old Religion?"

Merlin nodded and picked up the sword again. "Yeah, it is. The basis of it, actually. But the gods of the Old Religion . . . they haven't actually been very kind to me."

"And our God?" Lancelot had turned to face him fully, now.

Merlin shrugged and continued polishing. "He hasn't been bad."

* * *

Arthur was the last to question him.

It had been years, the time of the Prophecy having come and gone. Magic was free, Morgana was dead, and Camelot was at peace.

The King and his Warlock were reading comfortably around a fireplace one brisk autumn evening, waiting for Guinevere to return from putting the children to bed. Merlin blinked, and a pale light appeared over his shoulder, bobbing slightly as if drifting in an invisible wind.

Arthur smiled softly. "I remember that."

"Yeah," Merlin hummed. "Saved your life many a time with this, didn't I?"

"Can't have been more than three or four," Arthur scoffed. "If your addled brain will remember, _Mer_lin, I was doing most of the saving while you were hiding in the corner like a frightened maiden."

Merlin quirked an eyebrow, echoing Gaius far more than should have been possible. "You know, I still question whether or not I'd ever hit you on the head with some of those conveniently falling objects I used to save your sorry royal arse."

"Don't try any of that again, looks to me that if you need that to read, your eyes are going. Can't risk you killing your king now, can we?"

"Is it alright if I maim a prat?"

The two shared a quiet chuckle and went back to their reading. Arthur glanced over at Merlin's thick, leather-bound tome, then set his own book aside.

"That's a Bible." He said.

"Hm, very observant, sire," Merlin muttered as he turned a page.

"A _Christian _Bible, as in the book of the New religion," the King expanded, nonplussed.

Merlin sighed and set the book aside, resigning himself to the fact that Arthur simply couldn't be quiet. "What is it, Arthur?"

"I guess . . ." Arthur stopped, rephrasing his question. "If your magic, your prophecies, and your _name _come from the Old Religion, then why do you practice Christianity?"

By this time, Merlin had thought – and prayed – about this issue a good deal.

"I've said before that it was because of how I was raised, or because the Triple Goddess only ever tried to hurt me. But neither of those are valid reasons. Faith is about what I truly believe, not someone else, and it's definitely not about what I can get out of it.

The basis of the Old Religion is life and death – He who controls life and death has ultimate power, and nearly all actions within the old religion are based upon either attaining that power or obeying the one who wields it. To me, that never felt right. And once I became the Master of Death, I knew it was downright wrong. But I never knew what to do with that knowledge.

But then I started listening – really, properly listening when I followed you to the church. And it was so much more beautiful than any of the teachings of the Old Religion, because it was all about hope - the hope of salvation, the hope of an afterlife, the hope that man is truly good and not truly evil. Everything the church taught was bout being the best person you can be, and doing what is best for others. And that, finally, felt _right. _I wasn't being told to kill or hide or lie for once. And there was so much _love, _in that church. Everything I heard reinforced the idea that I would not be judged for my mistakes, and that no matter how many people I . . . lost, there is always Someone there. I practice the Christian faith because it is the only faith that has truly accepted me."

"But the Triple Goddess, the Cailleach, they're all real," Arthur stated.

"Yes, they are." Merlin responded. "But I think of it as – well. You could compare it to when Uther was King, and I was your manservant. Uther probably had more power over me, and I certainly followed his laws – to an extent –"

Arthur laughed.

"Yes, anyway." Merlin scowled half-heartedly. "But you were closer to me. I _chose _to give you more power over me than Uther. And you certainly inspired me to be a better person than your father did, and you fought for all that was right – even if that meant fighting your own father. That is how I feel about the Old Religion and the New."

The two friends smiled a moment longer, and finally went back to their reading.

"Merlin?"

"_What, _Arthur?"

"Did you just call me your God?"

Merlin didn't return Arthur's voice for two weeks, much to the knights' delight.

* * *

**Thanks for reading, and please be thoughtful and respectful commenters!**


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